Can I play with madness?

Reading all the mummy blogs out there has really helped emphasise to me how differently us chaps think to lasses. There sometimes seems to be a gulf in thought process between what I’d do and a lot of my fellow bloggers. To aid the ladies in understanding the workings of a modern man/father/sleep deprived lunatics mind, I thought I’d do a short list of the 5 things on my mind at the moment.

1. Post Apocalyptic survival plan

Initially this was my zombie holocaust survival plan but that was just silly. What if we were invaded by Americans/Aliens or a plague wiped out 99.99% of the worlds population? Some flexibility would be needed that focussed slightly less on destroying the brains of the undead and more on subsistance. The plan basically involves knowing where the most useful repostories of stuff would be (guns, camping gear, water purification pumps, comicbooks, solar chargers for gadgets etc) in the event of an apocalypse that disrupted both power and water and probably food supplies as well as ensuring tinned food is all well in date.

2. Where does earwax come from?

This has been puzzling me a fair bit recently. M’laddo seems to generate enough of it that we need to muck him out weekly. The trouble with letting it get all the way into the outer ear bit is that it thins out and sets like superglue, requiring the application of a warm wet flannel, much to the distress of the wee fella. I can’t think of any substance in the ear that could get transmutated into wax, so am left considering the very real possibility that earwax is the key to an entirely new branch of physics where things can be conjured out of nothing.

3. Why does the battery meter on my EEE 901 netbook keep on dropping out of the systray?

I know the fix (thanks to my google-fu: ctrl+alt+del, kill the explorer process, go to the apps tab, hit new task and type explorer) but not the reason for it doing it in the first place. No one does. It is a mystery of X Files proportions.

4. Where do other people find the time to do things?

I usually drift in and out of sleep a bit whilst wifey wonderfully tends to the fractious children all night and then get up ‘ere dawn has cracked and head off to work. I’m usually back by about 6ish but by the time we’ve put the nippers to bed and tidied up ecetera ecetera (you don’t see people spelling that long hand any more do you?), we’re either both knackered or it’s time for bed. Where do people find the time to read books? To write books? To watch films, play golf/football/tennis, do some gardening. follow a engrossing and constructive hobby? Do I sleep too much? If I do, why am I usually tired?

5. What supernatural effect do I have on trousers?

I always wear trousers out in exactly the same way. I wear the crotch tissue paper thin and eventually you can see my pants through them. This has baffled many a tailor over the years because most of them (certainly on the suit side of things) have never seen this before. Whilst I don’t walk the (bow legged) walk like John Wayne, I certainly don’t shuffle around with my knees together intentionally destroying what in every other respect are usually perfectly fine trousers.

There you go then, the last five random thoughts I’ve pondered over on my 5 mile round trip to and from work. Whether this gives you an insight into the working of the male mind or just confirms that secret suspicion you’ve had all along that I’m a bit bonkers, I don’t know but if you know the answer to the earwax question frankly I don’t care.