The dark secret of my watch

*Note to wifey: I haven’t lost my lovely Fossil watch you kindly bought me for my birthday several years back, I just don’t know precisely where it is. Like your passport that time, which I found tucked inside a book on one of our 8 large bookcases*

water resistant, not bomb resistant
I’ve had a Casio digital watch for about a year now. I’ve reached that age, my mid thirties, where blokes diverge. They either spend hundreds or thousands on a watch because their penis is too small or they feel inadequate in other ways, or they buy a cheap watch that does the job because they’ve got better things to spend their cash on. I’m satisfied with the proportions of my willy and definitely have other things I’d rather spend my money on, so I spent the princely sum of £6 on a Casio F-91W.
Although the watch looks like a classic 1970’s Casio, it’s actually of a more modern design, some point in the early 1990’s in fact and just made in a classic styling. My buddy Miles has a similar concept watch, based on the Casio calculator watches some brainiac at school would always have, so he could prove that his mental arithmetic wasn’t up to much. Cost him more than £6 though. A piece of completely untrue and spurious maths on my part that I’ve just spent about 30 seconds making up, makes the current inflation adjusted value of a late 1970’s Casio digital watch about £12,000, which makes the £6 I spent on this awesome value.
The watch does however have a dark side. It’s beloved of terrorists the world wide apparently. It’s used as the timing mechanism in bombs by crafty cowards who don’t have the courage of their convictions to blow themselves up. According to this list, every detainee at Guantanamo was checked to see if he was wearing my very watch.And a chilling number of them were.
I would like to say to my readers I am a law abiding, peaceful, watch wearing person who holds no truck with detonations, either remote, timed or by manual means and would encourage any other Casio wearers to adopt a similar mantra to this: “My watch is for telling the time. And reminding me of when the Goonies came out at the cinema.”