Don’t worry, this is one blog post that doesn’t come with an accompanying video.
I was chatting to someone at a parenting group about the language little boys use last night. She was lamenting that her dad had taught her 3 year old son to add phrases like “…and make it sharpish!” to the end of sentences, so when he asks for a biscuit, he now says, “I want a biscuit and make it sharpish Mummy!” Granddad obviously thinks this is hilarious but mum is at her wits end.
I wish the boy was as straightforward as this when it comes to irritating verbal antics but no, he has to go his own way. I think it started off with his calling his little sister a “silly naked baby” when she was little (she’s now only a shoe size behind him and catching up fast), partly to tell her off but partly to assert himself as the oldest. That progressed to calling me silly naked Daddy and it’s gone downhill from there.
At least I assume it’s gone downhill from there, if it hasn’t he’s never gone to nursery but been recruited by some odd sort of cult because on occasion he’s adamant he’s had a great day playing, reading stories and “everyone was naked, all day Daddy”. Well I’m fairly sure that isn’t part of the Early Years programme but you can’t be sure.
Occasionally I’m sitting on the sofa surreptitiously eating something that the kids would love, and the boy waltzes into the room and says “You’re naked!” and then just walks out. This is usually followed by Fifi saying, “And you’ve got a willy!” before she follows him out. I don’t tend to wander around the house or watch Antiques Roadshow in the nude, it’s not really my style, so I am a bit baffled. Perhaps the boy is developing Superman like powers to see through peoples clothing. If he is I can sadly say it isn’t hereditary.
So if you ever meet our 4 year old, don’t let him convince you our house is some sort of nudist colony, it isn’t and it’s unlikely to ever become so.