The door opened, and in front of me stood a naked girl!

6 years ago, this would have been awesome because we didn’t have any kids and by process of elimination it would have had to have been my wife standing there starkers. Not a usual occurrence granted but it would have been an entirely pleasant one.

Of course in this instance the naked girl in question was Fifi, aged 3, running around in the buff because she’d just had an accident. It’s funny how things change in a relative short period of time isn’t it?

The more I think of it, the more I realise how much has changed in the past 6 years:

  • we’ve removed the locks on the toilet door to stop kids locking themselves in. Now we have to sing whilst in there to stop people coming in.
  • we’re always shouted at by small children whilst singing in the toilet.
  • the act of going to the toilet usually results in some sort of stampede on the toilet facilities by children, all suddenly desperate to go.
  • a nice ten hour sleep has become 6-8 hours of interrupted unconsciousness
  • cinema is restricted to kids club and grown up films have to wait for DVD
  • all car journeys have to have wee stops factored in
  • after a particularly exciting episode involving a Skoda Yeti and a roundabout in Italy, ALL child safety locks on the car doors are now always on. This often traps wifey in the back but you can’t have everything.
  • shit. Everything at some point will involve shit. Days out, days in, school, museum trips, sleep, breakfast, dinner, bath time. Even being at work I find out about various shits my kids have done. 
  • swearing. I’ve never been a prolific swearer but when I dropped something the other day, before I could even utter an “oh bother” Fifi told me I mustn’t say shit because it’s a naughty word and I’d get told off.
  • there is never enough time to do the things that have to be done, let alone the things we’d like to do. And as for sitting around and doing sweet FA, well…
The odd thing is how normal it all seems though. I guess we’ve been conditioned to it now, worn down into accepting this is the way of things. Perhaps it’s a defence mechanism…