Mis-hearing things

Mortified to hear Fifi apparently saying “audible twat” yesterday. Calmed down when I realised she was actually counting to 3 in French.
— Daddacool (@daddacool) January 26, 2015

Whether it’s really down to excessive heavy metal when I was younger (a few Iron Maiden concerts, some exciting Megedeth and whatevs else), I seem to be a trifle deaf these days. Not to the point where I can’t hear the sibilance in the early pressings of Pink Floyd’s Obscured by Clouds of course but I tend to mis-hear things.

My most common issue is where someone in another room shouts my name really loudly to get my attention and then follows it up with a inter-room conversation at normal volume. To me the conversation sounds like this: “ALEX! *mumble*mumble*mumble*mumble“. It’s not much help and people end up repeating themselves a lot in our house.

The kids do their best to help me out though by following me from room to room. Fifi has also adopted the habit of repeating what other people say to me. For example, yesterday Ned was sitting on my lap calling me “Mr Poo Poo Head”. (that’s a proper noun isn’t it?) Fifi was sitting across the room but still felt obliged to point out to me that the child sitting on my lap was talking to me and needed his conversation repeated in case I hadn’t heard it. Bless.

Anyway, have you misheard anything outrageous recently?