Abandon all hope ye who enter here

We have a problem in the bedroom at the moment. Or to be more precise, a problem at threshold to the bedroom. We have three small people who think a closed door is simply there to open whenever they like. This can start at 4:30am but is usually around 5:30-6:00 every single bloody morning.

When you have some kids who you struggle to get to bed of an evening (usually 8ish, sometimes as late as 10 by the time you’ve had various tear-soaked incidents- itchy bottom, scared by a memory of watching Flushed Away several years ago, can’t sleep as too hot/cold/awake/full of cold/unable to fathom why society isn’t Marxist/etc) all you really want is to sit down in peace and quiet before you go to sleep and to sleep at least until the point where your alarm goes off in the morning, rather than being woken up for no apparent reason before sunrise.

It’s not asking much but at the same time it apparently is. The simple expediency of shutting our door worked for a little while but obviously the first time a child heard breakfast telly coming through the door, we were in trouble. How dare we be awake without child interference? Our kids have never been able to play on their own, they require an audience. God knows why.

So the ante was upped. We now have what I think of as the “ACHTUNG!” sign on the door. It’s worked for almost a week now but I shudder to think what the next course of action is.

Before you ask, we’ve tried locking the door. All this seems to result in is a child feebly pounding on the door whilst sobbing uncontrollably. I know we’re ace parents, but even so, I think we deserve a little bit of peace and quiet…