The explanation of Rule One (and others)

I did a mightily cryptic post a while back called Rule One: There are No Towels. I feel the need to explain this and some of the other Rules (with a capital “”R” no less) I have managed to discern. This will help aid you in your understanding of the way the universe conspires against you.

Rule One refers to the ineffable fact that whenever you pop into the downstairs toilet, or the bathroom, to wash your hands after changing a nappy or something equally grubby, and wash your hands without first checking to see whether their is anything to dry your hands with, there will be no towel. I have discussed this at length with both real people at work and imaginary people on the internet. It is truth.
There are many other rules but most of these are still in the process of being refined and ordered properly. A brief guide to the work in progress might go something like this:
  • Rule 2, when you are almost out of earshot, the only part of a sentence you will hear is your name. The rest with be incomprehensible (thanks Dave);
  • Rule 3, you will pass people more often than not in a doorway and thatdorrway will be too narrow.
  • Rule 4, it’s the wrong butter (thanks Neil)
There are more but we’re working hard to refine them. Please feel free to add your observations in the comments.