and then I woke up sobbing

I’m not one to have nightmares or even particularly odd dreams, insofar as I remember them at any rate, but last night was a pretty stand out affair by any stretch of the imagination.

This is your fault Eddie.

The mundane nature of it was the shocker. It wasn’t a dream filled with giant spiders, car crashes or death. Oh no, it was a dream filled with cooking. I apparently was attempting to cook a large meal for the 5 of us, the inlaws and a random group of Chinese people. I think the Chinese people cropped up because I caught a bit of Eddie Murphy in The Golden Child on Film4 recently, but I digress.

I was cooking on some sort of industrial cooker, with a variety of things on the go, like trout and steak but the killer was one of the Chinese women, who demanded that the donuts should be handmade and not shop bought. In an attempt to appease her I forgot to turn the oven on properly while I was making the donut mix.

As dinner got closer and nothing was vaguely ready, the panic grew and the fear of letting everyone down massively rose and rose. In the dream I went to the sitting room and lay face down amid a pile of Lego I’d failed to tidy up and started sobbing. Without the film like segue into the waking world, I was immediately in my bed bawling my eyes out into the mattress.

The moral of this story is probably twofold: 1) complicated catering is beyond me; and 2) never revisit old Eddie Murphy films from your youth.