The Original:
“You will be haunted,” said the Ghost, “by Three Spirits.”
Scrooge’s countenance fell almost as low as the Ghost’s had done.
“Is that the chance and hope you mentioned, Jacob?” he demanded, in a faltering voice.
“It is.”
“I — I think I’d rather not,” said Scrooge.
“Without their visits,” said the Ghost, “you cannot hope to shun the path I tread. Expect the first to-morrow, when the bell tolls One.”
“Couldn’t I take ’em all at once, and have it over, Jacob?” hinted Scrooge.
“Expect the second on the next night at the same hour. The third upon the next night when the last stroke of Twelve has ceased to vibrate. Look to see me no more; and look that, for your own sake, you remember what has passed between us.”
The Retelling:
“You will be haunted,” said wifey, “by Three Children.”
Alex’s countenance fell almost as low as the wife’s had done.
“Is that the chance and hope you mentioned?” he demanded, in a faltering voice.
“It is.”
“I — I think I’d rather not,” said Alex.
“Without their visits,” said the wife, “you cannot hope to shun the path you tread. Expect the first to-morrow, when you’ve got comfortable on the toilet.”
“Couldn’t I take ’em all at once, and have it over?” hinted Alex.
“Expect the second about three minutes later, just when you think you’ve got a bit of peace and quiet. The third upon the fifth subsequent minute when the bowl has ceased to vibrate. Look to see me no more; and look that, for your own sake, you remember what has passed between us.”
I was relating this tale to my sister in law earlier today. She made the point that mum’s know that at any point they only have two minutes to do anything in the bathroom- shower, toilet break, re-grouting the tiles, anything, when men seem to think they can take the paper/magazine/iPad into the bathroom and spend a leisurely half an hour in there. Whilst she has a point, I’d like to point out that I was actually attempting to hide from the kids. I’d had quite a stressful day with the kids, flying solo at points where I would have gladly frozen Ned in Carbonite (like Han Solo in Star Wars) in the absence of a buggy- on one 50 metre stretch of pavement, I picked him up and put him down six times as he alternately refused to hold my hand and then kicked furiously when I picked him up. I had over half a mile to take him and the older two. It wasn’t pleasant…